I don’t know if this has always been the case or if I’ve just become more aware of it: I need time to myself.

I first became really aware of that when I moved in with Adriana. I didn’t really have a space to retreat to anymore. I didn’t know exactly how to communicate that I needed to be alone sometimes without giving the impression that I was rejecting my partner. I put my foot in this mouth years ago when I told Stephanie at the end of our vacation that I was looking forward to having time to myself again. From my perspective, it had nothing to do with her, but she seemed to understand it differently, as her reaction showed.

I need this time to recharge my social batteries – a trait I didn’t know I had a few years ago, but which now allows me to better understand what my mind needs in order to be social.

For me, being extroverted has always meant that I enjoy and interact easily with others – a trait I pride myself on. I am not shy. I first heard about the definition of “social battery” in a video a few years ago. According to this, introverts discharge their battery through social interactions, while extroverts have it the other way around.

Yes, I am a very social person. I love being around other people and learning about new people and their experiences. Yet, I also have an “anti-social” side where any interaction with people takes energy. Extroverts who charge in social settings like someone struck by lightning often can’t put themselves in our introverted shoes. In the past, I have sometimes been mocked for this, that I was tired again. Yet I was doing my best. Alcohol often helped me temporarily calm the introverted part of me – at least for the evening. I paid the cost later with even more fatigue.

When I think about the last 20 years and the constant fatigue that accompanied me, things become clearer to me now. Even in school and during my training, I always struggled with fatigue. I even had myself examined by a doctor because I thought there was something wrong with me. Without result. The doctors thought I had a wrong idea of how awake I should be. Now I know they left out a key aspect that keeps draining my energy.

Our society thrives on social interactions. We are forced to participate in society our entire lives. At school, we sit for hours with 30 classmates. At university or during training, attendance is mandatory. Even at work, in many cases, it’s hard to avoid spending the day among people. All of this robs us introverts of energy, which we then lack in our free time. If you then have hobbies that bring you around people, there’s not much time left for yourself.

On my travels, I find it difficult to create space for myself. Hostels are teeming with people who want to talk to me. Especially here in South America, personal space has a very different definition – if any – than it does back home. Here, loud music is played everywhere, and apparently no one has headphones, but that doesn’t seem to bother anyone to just play their stuff at full volume for everyone.

Understanding how my mind works helps me adapt to circumstances and retreat when I’ve reached my limit – or better yet, before I need to plug back in. I’m more responsive to how I feel and how I feel good. For me, that means sometimes purposefully avoiding people so I can be social again later.