Two years ago I decided not to earn more money, but to spend my saved money to discover the world. A year ago, I put this idea into action. Since then, I have had countless adventures, visited seven countries on two continents, and walked over 4000 kilometers.

I’ve been to Fiji and earned my Open Water and Advanced diving certifications. In New Zealand, I hiked over 3000 km lengthwise across the country. In Australia I got lost in canyons and jungles. In Brazil I explored beaches, islands and cities. In Colombia, I reconnected with an old friend and hid in the jungle for a month to help build a hostel. In Ecuador, I went on long hikes and taught English to kids. In Peru, I found my haven in the mountains.

Naturally carefree

Especially in nature, I’m always amazed at the beauty that presents itself. Amazement is something I seemed to have more or less forgotten in the past. Amazement has returned to me, as has acceptance of what is happening around me. I was far too busy trying to make the most of the little time I had. The time factor was always a kind of shackle for me, a yoke that I had partly imposed on myself. Paradoxically, I spent a lot of time trying to make more time for myself. Now I don’t have that constraint. I don’t have to be anywhere. I don’t have to do anything. No one tells me what to do. I decide what happens next.

With this power of decision, I prefer to retreat to the mountains, away from all the hustle and bustle that civilization brings. I limit myself to what fits in my backpack and what I can carry without tipping over. I get up with the sun and go to sleep with it. Even on my hikes, I no longer worry so much about possible complications. I just go.

I don’t think much about money anymore, even though I’m well aware that my current life can’t go on like this forever, but still long enough to worry too much about it now.

On my journey I have (re)discovered what I actually want from life. Much of what seems much clearer to me now are things I wrote down as goals many years ago. The fact that it took so long to implement them probably shows that they were not so clear, even though I had written them down. Don’t dream your dream, live your blah blah blah.

If I am to describe in a few words what has changed in my mindset, it is to take my life into my own hands without waiting for circumstances or my environment to change. You’ve probably heard of the saying, “The definition of insanity is: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” – Albert Einstein. Somehow I felt like I had been doing this for a very long time and nothing ever changed. For far too long I waited for circumstances to adapt to me.

What I can (and can’t) do

I have learned that my abilities are not self-evident, even though it sometimes feels that way, and that others have limits where I still have a lot of room to grow. I have become much more aware of what I am capable of and that I also have limits that I may never have really explored before, but wondered why things that come easily to me are an obstacle to others. Conversely, I have become much more open to finding out where others’ strengths lie and what I can learn from them.

For example, one of my strengths is that I have great stamina when I hike and can spend extended periods of time in the wilderness with a full backpack. This has always come so naturally to me that I have been surprised and sometimes annoyed when other hikers “dawdle.” Another example is languages. In both cases, I now realize that I have already invested a lot of time, which is now naturally paying off and giving me a head start. Time that others have naturally invested in other things in which they are now experts and I can’t “keep up”.

Lack of drive

One of my weaknesses that always comes to mind is that sometimes I have a hard time finishing something that I started with a lot of drive. I’ve written close to 100 pages for my book and I’ve been stuck at this exact point for several months. I know what the reason is. I feel like I can’t write well enough for an audience, or I’m afraid I can’t get to the heart of what I want to say. Part of it is also because I’ve lost the fascination I had with a subject when I started. That’s something I attribute to my generalist type. I always need new stimuli to keep me interested. Somehow I just have to manage to create these new stimuli for myself. Distraction by lots of new impressions doesn’t help either, of course. That’s why I decided to retreat to Bolivia for a few weeks to write.

Lows

Being on the road for a long time can seem like an eternal dream. But it wasn’t always easy, either. I struggled with loneliness time and time again. Relationships are something very fleeting when you spend a few days at most with new acquaintances before parting ways again. Contact with old friends isn’t exactly made easier by the long distance either. On top of that, everyone is busy with their own lives.

For a while I doubted whether what I am doing here might not be seen as laziness or a waste of time in our well-structured and efficiency-driven world. Shouldn’t I care much more about my future than just traveling wildly through the world?

Both are thoughts that still plague me from time to time, but with which I am becoming more comfortable. Paradoxically, both disappear completely when I’m in my element, in the mountains. Alone in the wide open spaces, my heart blossoms. Of course, it would be nice to have someone to share these moments with, but I often don’t realize that until I’m back in civilization.

I feel the same way about the idea of wasting time. In the mountains, I’m in my element. I do exactly what I enjoy doing. The only thought that occupies my mind then is how to build my life around it. How can I shape my life so that I can continue to afford this lifestyle. But I’d rather put that off until a more meaningful time, after my trip.

Therapy

For the past few months, I have been talking to a therapist every week. He always reflects to me how extraordinary what I do and experience is. How much courage it takes to break out of familiar structures and go your own way. I am always surprised when I talk about a topic that is quite normal for me and he tells me how much you can tell from my way of telling and from my facial expressions how much the topic means to me. Something that is often lost on me in my normalized world. Somehow, maybe sometimes you should stop and realize how great you actually are. Applause was always something I wasn’t so good with and now I’m on a good path to appreciating myself and my abilities.

What the heck am I doing here anyway?

Some time ago I wrote a post asking myself this very question. In the meantime, I think I have found the answer. I am doing exactly what makes me happy. Being out in nature with only what I need to survive gives me such satisfaction that I happily sleep in the fresh air every day, only to do the exact same thing the next day. To set out on a new adventure. Just a few weeks ago, I thought I was escaping from the reality of everyday life.

In the meantime, I see it quite differently. I create the reality I want to wake up to every day. I’m less and less afraid of eventually falling back into the old rut of taking a job just to have a job, arriving back at the end of my vacation days, and still having so much year left. I am now very confident that I will find a way to live joy at a high level.

Of course, at some point there will be a reality again where I will have to worry about financial resources, I can’t live on my savings forever, even if I could put it off for a few more years. Rather, I have a great desire to achieve something again. This time according to my ideas and not according to any contracts or ideas that society seems to impose on me.