I love the beauty of the mountains that line the valleys, the forests that frame the rivers. I love every stone that rises and every cloud that passes by. Letting them take me in. I love not having to think about anything. I love having no plans for the day. I love that the day’s goal is clear every day without having much meaning.

In civilization, I am overcome by the restlessness of having to be busy. There is no moment, only what needs to be done next. Distraction prevails. As I write this text, I switch to other apps, answer messages and plan food and drink.

Outside, I am completely myself, without distractions and at peace. I am completely in the moment. I enjoy my surroundings and they enjoy me, we become one. I am the movement. I am the stillness through which I let myself drift. I take in the fresh air and the silence.

I am.

In the now

The simplicity of life blossoms within me. The physical exertion contributes to peace of mind. I know in every moment what is happening and what will happen, the known unknown. Future and past merge into a coherent now. Decisions are made as if by magic. Meals are fixed, my path is clear and when it gets dark, I go to bed. Without a net or a false bottom, I fall, dream, deeper and deeper, until the morning invites me on a new journey.

I can be completely alone with my thoughts. Most of the time, however, I move through the prairie in a kind of meditative state. If my thoughts do start to circle, I usually don’t find it difficult to catch them again as if with a mental lasso.

My limits

For me, there is hardly anything greater than the feeling of reaching my limits, my physical, mental and emotional limits, but also the limits of my ability to perform.

I live in this thrill. The moment when I stand before an abyss that I have to overcome, but from which there is no easy way out. When I overcome places that not every hiker gets to, I reach the point of inner satisfaction. Then I am completely in my element. I forget everything around me, except for the small section of the path that I have to create for myself somehow, because behind me, on the way back, only my ego stands in my way.

When I then have to admit to myself that it’s getting too dangerous and I’m reaching my limits, the feeling sets in that there’s still something to learn, how I can do it better.

Progress prevails here, the satisfaction of my desires, the calm of the generalist who wants to do nothing right and yet be able to do everything.

Style

Away from the tourist routes, I enter uncertainty mode, which makes planning more difficult due to a lack of information. Questions remain unanswered until I have investigated them. How strenuous it will be, how far I will get in a day, whether there will be provisions and water to fill up on the way.

I only find out how wild it is, how many sticks and stones I have to jump over, how many rivers I have to cross to get to where I can pitch my tent, when I investigate for myself. It is the loss of control.

Many uncertainties that make my heart beat faster. The adventure appeals to me. You always meet nice people who live in the mountains or who have set off on their own. Every now and then I am invited to their table. Again and again I am stopped by locals and asked with interest where I am from and where I am going. They give me an insight into life in the mountains, far away from what I call civilization.

What do I want?

It is the old patterns, the persistence in habits that make me unhappy. It’s less a question of where I live and more a question of distraction from my goals. How quickly my surroundings pull me back into the daily grind, which quickly freezes me.

Nature will remain a big part of my future life. But it can’t just be hiking. I love nature, but I also love civilization, I love contact and interaction with people. I am sociable, nature is not. I want to combine the two, close to family and friends. Of course, it would be nice to find a place that fulfills both, but I think the two places are too far apart. That’s why I think of my life as a pendulum that swings back and forth between the two poles. A base from which I can move.

The big challenge will be to face civilization and take what I need without falling into the abyss of comfort.